Coming home from a mission is hard. Anyone who says it isn't is either lying or they were married within six months and they have been very lucky to miss out on the struggles most RM's I've talked to seem to face. This is something that I wasn't expecting at all! I thought that I would be blessed for my service and things would be easy. But what kind of life would that be? Not mine, that's for sure.
One of the biggest things I have struggled with is understanding who I am as a returned missionary. I feel like I changed A LOT on my mission. I gained so much confidence in who I wanted to be as a person. I developed my own idea, beliefs, and focuses. But once I came home I kind of lost my identity a little bit. I no longer felt like the timid Mallory I was before who just went along with what other people had to say, and I wasn't Sister Latimer anymore, so who was I?
When I got home from my mission I immediately moved to Logan where I then lived for the next year and a half. It was good that I got to be busy right away. School was good, my roommates were awesome, but I don't think I ever had the time to figure out who Mallory was as an individual. It was always as so and so's friend, or as a girl from apartment 5, and this was hard, a LOT harder then I even realized. I knew I was struggling, I felt unhappy, but I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I was able to take a step back.
Luckily Heavenly Father knew what I needed before I did. In January I got an email about an internship that I thought sounded interested and decided to apply for. When I got the internship with UPSTART it meant that I would be moving home for the first time in almost 4 years, and that was something I wasn't all that sure about. However, moving home and working for UPSTART have been the greatest blessing!
I feel like Ammon in Alma 26, where he can't even express the joy and gratitude he feels. Without even realizing it this summer has become the summer of figuring out who Mallory is, it has been a summer of discovering what makes me happy, and how I can become the best version of myself.
This past week I went hiking with some coworkers. I HAVE ALWAYS HATED HIKING! There is not one hike that I can ever remember enjoying. So why I decided to go hiking? I honestly don't know. I guess I really like spending time with the people I work with on my days off. But I went, and you know what? It turned out to be an amazing experience.
Of course I started the hike murmuring, but it wasn't that bad, and it was really pretty outside. Then we get to the base of the waterfall and it's gorgeous! But then people started climbing up the rocks, now if there is one thing I hate more then hiking it is heights! I can't even climb up a 3 step ladder without my heart pounding. But thanks to the encouragement and PATIENCE of my friends I did it. Now I know they were probably rolling their eyes at how slow I was going, or how much I kind of freaked out at the beginning, but the fact that they didn't let me know any of that is something I am so grateful for. I don't think most of them know how terrified I was and how much I was trying. So their kind words meant more then I can describe.
And you know what? I ended up enjoying myself! After my heart stopped pounding out of my chest and I looked back down at where I had come from I couldn't believe what I had accomplished.
Heavenly Father knew I needed this summer to figure out life a little more. And He gave me some incredible people in my life to help me get there! Blue Crew, if any of you read this, thank you!
There are always mountains to climb in each of our lives, but luckily we always have our Savior with us each step of the way! Happy Sunday! #sharegoodness